Saturday Brain Chemistry
Used to be a time not long ago, when Saturdays were my busiest days. Yakuta had her volunteer programs to run, and I had to hit the community darkroom by 10am. If I didn’t get there right at opening time, my preferred enlarger may already have been occupied, my preferred negative carrier (the one that was filed out just right for those lovely black borders) may have been taken, and the overall hustle and bustle of the place may have detracted from my precise routine.
Besides my paper and film, I carried lunch and snacks too. I wouldn’t have time to go pick up lunch, because every 20 minutes wasted was another print I wouldn’t make that day. I’d already have a rough list of prints I wanted to make, and with head down and headphones in, I’d go through making prints like clockwork. Oh how I relished the quiet time while everyone else settled in, exchanged pleasantries, fiddled with their easels, and swapped lenses on their enlargers. The chemistry trays were all mine! 2 minutes develop, 30 seconds stop, 30 seconds fix, brisk walk into the light to review, back in the fix, next print!
Of course by around 2pm I’d start to run out of juice. My eyes would grow weary of making sure the contrast was just so on each print, my brain would get tired of keeping track of the fractions of seconds I needed to add or subtract under each filter, my stomach would no doubt be growling, and my ego would stop caring about the number of prints I’d managed to make that day. I’d try to squeeze out a few “less important” prints anyway. Eventually in a lovely post-workout type of haze (or maybe just sniffing too much fixer), I’d sink into a chair to examine my production for the day.
Fast forward to yesterday (or most Saturdays these days). I lay in bed after a very badly timed nap. 5:30pm. Nothing useful done. No exercise. Not even 2 minutes of fresh air or sunlight. No guitar practiced. And no purpose. Ugh. The question inevitably arose, “What is this life all about?”. I knew then that the question had to be quashed right away. Yuval Noah Hariri proposes in Sapiens (or maybe it was another one of his books) that “happiness” is not really about answers to those bigger questions, but simply a matter of brain chemistry. I needed some fresh chemicals ASAP and pondering the sequencing of photos for my dream book with Steidl was not going to help. Neither was struggling with the chords for Simon and Garfunkel’s America.
I knew Yakuta was right. With my nap clothes still on I slipped on my neon-laced race day shoes and headed out the door for a run. The sun had mostly set, but the sky was beautiful. The air was brisk. The steps were steep. The rocks were rocky. The dogs were off-leash and hard to see. My heart was beating.
And that pesky brain chemistry got its much needed refresh.